Last Cinderella

My Cinderella, My thoughts!

I know that by the end of the season, pretty much everyone knows what it is. And let me be honest, but guiltily, i held this as a kinda secret guilty pleasure, watching it alone and never discussing it with anyone, throwing away all my brain cells and education, and just watched it religiously each week. No matter how bad things were, I only looked at the good parts and enjoyed myself. Yup. All its cute moments, fangirly parts, THE LOT, I just threw myself in.

Does that make sense? I know people think My cinderella was kinda stupid and the plot sucked and blah blah blah, but I watched it for the enjoyment factor, okay?!?! I watched it because I wanted to let go all criticism and just watch  with as much enthusiasm as I could. And to be honest, I enjoyed this show a little too much. And though my insides squealed each time I saw a new episode, to be frank, my intellectual side did start surfacing, and a tiny voice was calling to me; that this show was inevitably and uncontrollably going downhill.

First impressions~
Ohh man. When I first saw this, I dismissed it completely. Because
1) it looked kinda stupid somehow, partly because I had always thought romances were a bit stupid (I was kinda new at watching j dramas, so I didn't really know what I wanted, and I'M SORRY!! Romances aren't stupid!! @-@ Don't bash me for it)
2) the plot seemed Meh
and
3) I just wasn't all that excited when I saw the trailer either.

But I watched it because I saw how popular it was (oh, the influences that masses of people have), and I thought that it was funny, kinda cute and that Haruma Miura isn't all that bad looking. But from the start I pretty much just shipped Rintaro and Sakura  because Hiroto was pretty much a jerk. Though his character did start growing on me and my ship shifted towards Hiroto about midway.

At first, I loved how energetic Sakura was with everything, and her friendship with Shima and  Miki was something that was beloved and awesome. But the thing that hit me hard was that Sakura and Hiroto was way too cuddly but never close,  like the way she was with Rintaro. I mean, all the scenes felt like it was Hiroto and Sakura just cuddling, kissing and then more cuddling. They didn't really share anything except for the feel of each other. It was always her and Rintaro talking together, and she was much more comfortable with him. So thinking back, there was always a thin air of awkwardness between Sakura and Hiroto. I think it would have been much more logical if she saw Rintaro as a man earlier, than just a frienemy. I guess Hiroto's youth and straightforwardness overshadowed what a great guy Rintaro was.

I just had a thought that it's human nature to go for the 'best person' that you can get so you can get better offspring, and maybe it's like that. :| But still, Rintaro....

My problem with Rintaro was that he was too naive and denying of his feelings for Sakura. If he had accepted it earlier, it wouldn't have ended with her and Hiroto. Seriously. It annoyed me further that EVERYONE ELSE saw through him, and yet he left it too late. In the end, he was kinda like a best friend and was just too good to have Sakura when Hiroto was already in her heart.

And the last episode was pretty disappointing for that reason. It sucked, because Sakura and Rintarou seemed well together, and spent most of that episode have a meaningful relationship, only to spend that last 2 minutes snogging Hiroto. Sorry if my opinion here threw you off because I'm writing this months after I started this haha.

Clear

Cheers to a new year!

Yesterday family plus extended family when to a sport club to enjoy new years. Turns out it was a bunch of older people having drinks and dancing to music from a long time ago. I especially liked "smooth operator" but I didn't dance.

The food was overpriced, not really good. Asian salad and Peking duck pancakes were too sweet and minuscule!. Like just two small roll ups and a sauce bowl of salad. That was just silly. I liked the smoked salmon salad though. I've never had smoked salmon. The main dished were my source of disappointment though. The meat was way too hard. I mean, I expected tender from watching tv shows and I could barely saw through with my knife. After I did though, when I popped it in my mouth it was like chewing a rubber toy? Way too hard. At this point I was wondering whether this was just European cuisine. The chocolate dessert was way better than the mango one as well. Like the chocolate one had a mini macaroon and tasted like coffee. The mango one was just cheesy with mango and coconut. Pretty uneventful.

The biscuits were nice too.

That NYE party was pretty awkward at first. I mean, it was just us Asians amongst a large crowd of old white people. We were seated unexpectedly with a couple who left early. It was just awkward. So strange. Since our family s used to mingling with other Asians, and we were really just there for the food.

We stayed for the fireworks on the tv however, and it was a sight to see everyone jump up to kiss and hug each other when the clock hit. They looked like they were having so much fun.

After that we went home and the car buzzed with conversation. Mine consisted of the quality of food with my cousin.

And at 1:30 I arrived home and tried to clear away my head by reading manga. Thought I'd start off the year with 'Bitter virgin',

Okay so before going to that party, I read Watashitachi no shiawase na Jikan. And oh my god it was amazing. I really, really almost cried. It was heartbreaking, and I just felt so connected to it. It's short and is definitely worth a read. I want to talk more about it but I don't want to spoil.

Bitter virgin was not as good, but it was great. Not phenomenal, and maybe because I've spent the last few days reading sad and messed up mangas, but this still hurt. The ending where
*Spoilers*

They both think they wont stay with each other forever

it's just

well, they just don't have enough faith in themselves, and that they can only cling to their time together while 'knowing' they they both aren't good enough.

After all of the events, can't you just be happy with each other?!

It sort of reminds me of the Jdorama Last friends.

Today is the first day of the year. I'm liking it so far, I woke up so late and I'm listening to some old songs that I have loved for a long time.

LM.C's 88 is what's playing on repeat right now. Somehow I feel hopeful when I listen to it because of the melody.

I'm also afraid that next year will be my year for HSC. It scares me, and the pressure from family is growing. I think everyday that I should start studying but I don't. I just can't sit down long enough to work. But it makes me so afraid that I can't catch up. And as the holidays come to a close, I get more panicked.

Loops

Nothing much else I did today. It's the holidays after all, and it's been quite uneventful. Today I was meant to go out to DFO but mother was too tired to go and so we all stayed home. Also maybe listen to this while you read, the theme song is so catchy I'll probably pick up the manga actually.


So instead of going out, I read A lollipop or a bullet, a short manga, and damn, that hit hard. It was so sad and even though I at least expected it, the tension built up really killed me. It was tragic really. I have a hard time remembering names so was it Mokuku? Her circumstances, wow, I felt really bad even though it was expected. But the fear of what her father was capable of- that was some great storytelling right there. Tear jerker, would have cried like a baby if I had the freedom to.

After that it was All you need is kill. I heard about the movie "The edge of tomorrow" but no much. I mean, hearing that an American adaptation was made for a manga? It was shocking when I first heard about it and once again I was interested in All you need is kill. I've seen people have it on their book shelves on the manga Reddit, but I never delved into it. I wasn't interested in mecha or brainless brawling. Like if it had some sort of deep meaning, no matter how cliche or whatever, I would go get it. Though I might change one day.

But All you need is kill was short and wasn't just brainless fighting. I didn't know there were going to be

*SPOILERS*

time loops and stuff. And the part where Rita was actually also stuck in a loop as well?? Amazing. But it was way too short. Apparently a light novel sequel is being written though. Hopefully the mangaka could pick that up too. Props to them as well since I recognised their art style, like was is death note or Bakuman? I'm really glad someone like them picked it up.

I hope the movie "the edge of tomorrow" is similar to the plot and they didn't change too much. I've read two comments about it and so far so good.

And ohmigod Ore Monogatari is so fucking sweet I just love it so.

A lollipop or a bullet

Happy

You know, I try to never say that I'm bored. And I try. Because once I read that only 'boring' people get bored. But honestly, during this state of 'nothingness' that I seem to be within, I can feel a faint bickering, that urges me to do greater things for myself instead of  just hanging out here. Like studying.

Does that make me boring? I guess it does... since all I've done so far was read horror and shoujo and crossdressing and yaoi mangas and I've finished so many series' that I'e lost track of the day of the week. What am I doing with my life? I've made the excuse of having to 'relax', but I've had enough.

Today I went shopping with my family. I was somewhat happy, just to spend time with them. I've avoided contact with friends for the most part. Every time the holiday comes, I fall into this period where I avoid them. Not long ago I walked into a shop to buy earrings but back out after seeing the profile of an old school mate. We were never close, but I left either way. I wonder if she noticed me, and I hope that my sudden turn around could have just been thought of as me being in a rush.

It's a shame I can't openly express myself. I have roast port belly today and it was delicious. I learnt how to make it today. Not that I made it.

Invisible blockade

Woah. It's already 2014. My last post was back in 2013, and I uphold this blog only so I don't have to forget it and let it die like all my other forgotten blogs. Did I even make those blogs I wonder? My life is so easily forgotten, those small memories. I heard that memories stay and are seen as the way you last thought about them. Those blogs that I have made, oh, I don't remember at all. Seems like if I did make them, It's been a very long time since I've thought about them.

Memories make my life feel so fragile. Everything seems so fragile, so easily disintegrated and if I'm not careful, ping, and it all shatters to pieces, scattered on the floor, flying in the wind. Like the petals in the Hana to Usagi manga. I've gotten so hooked up on yaoi this past year, it's leaking out of my pours.

When I say everything, I really mean relationships. Okay maybe literally everything. But relationships are key for me right now. I feel that in life, people, friends, they so easily drift in and out, they come and they say goodbye, even if I put my all into making those relationships. It's hi and bye. I've never been in a, say, relationship-relationship, but the friendships, and family-ships, and acquaintanceships; they are all so easily broken. Is this my fault? It probably is.

I just wish I could bundle everyone up, put them in a box and... then what? No, that's just creepy. But farewells are bitter and sorrowful, and I don't want to have it in me to accept. I don't want to try saying good bye. Not after all this mate.

You see, I spend so much time thinking about my friends and family, but suddenly they can just up and leave. I know that later on I'll forget, but it hurts at the present and it's a pain I don't want to go through.

You know, people are so easily able to say goodbye if it suits them. But what about the other end? I feel like I could cry in the corner at any time, but I can't. I literally can't pull those tear ducts. I feel my relaxed lips tremble, forcing itself into a tight frown, eyebrows knitting together, deep breath, and my eyes well up as if I had smelt something terrible. But no actual, moist, salty tears. They just don't come out.

The internet makes it seem so easy to connect, but it feels harder. Harder that I don't see their face as I talk to them, can't evaluate how they feel when I say something. It's as if sticking a tiny face makes it better to understand but those things are so disposable. I want to talk face to face. My computer will never laugh in your stead.

And I myself is so easily swayed by the wind. I'm not sure what to do anymore. I want to quit, I want to fight, I want to be happy. I want to make myself happy. But somehow, there's an invisible blockade. I want, I want, I want. Everyone has an infinite amount of wants, and once you fulfil one, another comes in to fill the hole. I need to be happy? Or I have to be happy. I don't know.  Oh woe is me.

I hope I can maintain those relationships however. I feel as though a boyfriend (ha!) is someone who would stay with you for a very long time, but I can I deal with that type of work just yet with school and the relationships I have now? Let's not joke here, I know I can't handle that much.

I'll see what I can do once the exams are over. Jokes, they aren't ever over. The tests keep coming, a rolling barrel under my dancing feet.