How I found out I was straight.

So I forgot all about this blog. In 2016 I was in year 11, excited for my final high school camp which may have involved boys, and readying myself for the torrent of exams about to come to conclude another chapter in my life. A lot happened, maybe I reflect on them later, for no one to see.

When I first started this blog, apparently in 2013, I was addicted to Japanese dramas. Sure, manga is great an all, but I didn't care to sit a couple hours over anime when I could read the original material and imagine the story how I and the creator wanted it to be. But dramas allowed me to dip into a guilty pleasure my family didn't allow- being able to ogle at handsome guys.

I never really found any guys handsome back then, and didn't develop any rabid fangirl obsessions over kpop idols. But for some reason, I saw one guy in a japanese drama and fell right in love. From there, I watched most of his dramas and started to see the others in that season. Slowly, my watch time increased and I was definitely in love with a couple handsome actors at once. Also really loved this one band (ViViD - jrock) but they've disbanded now :(

One of the first guys I was obsessed with was Matsuda Shota. AHHHHH Still hot ;)

Then I liked Yamashita Tomohisa. I even have all his music.

Kamenashi Kazuya

Takeru Satoh

Park Seo Joon (I like korean dramas too)

Kim Seok Jin (and BTS)

... Do you know my type yet?? Haha please tell me, because I don't really know. Actually seeing them like this, they all look a little similar LOL. And I KNOW I'm in love with fantasies. Their personalities on TV and shows aren't the real them, but I allow myself to fill in the gaps myself and create a dream for myself.

Side note: I don't imagine anything sexual with my idols. I like watching them on shows but nothing else. >__<  I like to admire from afar. Also I like guys with earrings :))

Anyway there you have it. I'm straight. Also I had a crush on someone for about 5 years because I went to an all girls school and never saw any other real life guys to direct my infatuation towards. I did see them at camp but didn't strike up the courage to say anything. After that, I've come close to a couple guys but we have drifted away, mainly because I don't have the courage or maturity to advance any further. Those experience I don't regret or wish for anything more however because I really wasn't ready.

 Even now, I'm not. Being self conscious, I don't feel like I would be enough for anyone anyway. I'm definitely not smart enough to uphold any good conversations. I'm lazy and don't have any crazy aspirations. I don't have any cool hobbies and skills. I'm boring. I'm shy. I don't like going out that much. I like being alone and weird. I'm not pretty. I'm awkward as hell. I'll neglect any poor boy that comes my way. Also I think someone might like me. More on that later.

Bye :)